One-Man Circus

I refuse ever to join the circus
after so many nights
watching my father
walking his tightrope.
He deserved a place in the circus.
But the circus didn't deserve him.
He was Strongman.
I swear he thought
he could support the house.
And he was Magician,
trapped in his glass casing,
trying to escape.
And he was Ringmaster
on those rather dull, intoxicating nights,
making proclamations about what was to come
and why so many things hadn't come already.
He was master of the bluff,
but Mom and I knew his acts were the only ones
in the show.­ Father used to tell
my nervous, worried, frightened mother
she lived in fear.
Mom would say she had no choice.
And Mom and I knew she'd never
been in so much fear
as to have hidden in a bottle.

Oppenheimer

Twenty-three years from the present
I will leave my husk,
take my soul as painfully as allowed,
so as to let me know of my importance
because all important people die slow, painful deaths
to show they are recognized by one god or another.
I will make my all-too-soon exit
having defeated every mountain,
dried every body of water,
rooted any trees left by my brothers,
crushed houses of those known and unknown,
ended lives too long and not long enough,
made rulers and kings and presidents put lips
to my enormous, calloused feet,
created large, terrifying pink, blue, and gray toadstools above
wide eyes, beaded brows, wrinkled foreheads,
exposing the vitality of writers
of verse, diction, song, prophecy.
"The one who tried to conquer all,"
future liars and their media will exclaim,
"has finally been conquered!"
And I will laugh at false exclamation,
for they will make sure
my victory will be finalized.

A Dream of Cavalry

Ay! Look!
my mother’s mother!
A marble Jesus;
We stand on Golgotha.

A slight slouch of the head;
His solid, flying
form calls.
It is my turn

to die for the world.
The Earth and her creatures
refuse to die
for themselves.

Freezer

We found corpses hoisted on metal hooks,
throats slashed, eyes, genitals missing.
We shuddered at the biting cold,
the blood-stained floor, Death's appearance
in a place more remote than we thought.
The door opened, showing darkness outside,
silhouetting a once-familiar figure, bringing
a lonely question that echoed off the vast night:
"Mother, how long have these been here?"

Transference: A Short Stanza on My Dog and My Mother

I found my puppy bludgeoned and bleeding.
My mother found me bloody and eating
the entrails of a young, tired, beaten cur.
She was happy it wasn't her.

(From a work in progress...)

There was a time
when I thought
words could carry me,
strongmen of the circus
that is my life.
But I was wrong:
I watched
the big top cave in
without any reason or rhyme,
the tightrope snapped,
a slow fall
falling
fell.
I reached up for air,
but nobody could hear me yell.

(From a work in progress...)

In the annals of Time
men have fallen before gods
they couldn't see
but in rocks, rivers, and trees,
bashing their heads
and gnashing their teeth
against the pull of eternity.

For Dennis

Rainbows
Unicorns
Raped Boys
Puffy Clouds
I'll stand on a mountaintop
and scream your name out loud.

If I caused you pain, I’m sorry
It wasn’t more.
Your duplicity deserves
To be splayed out on the floor,
A dry cock in its ass,
Every breath a dying gasp.
As usual, you would like it,
But that’s something you’d never admit.

When Matthew Arnold wrote
about the sweetness and light,
he wasn't talking about us.
So flick the switch
and get in bed.

A famous poet said
the most important thing
about poetry is rhyme.

So I wrote a poem about you -
it's called, "You Suck."
I was saddened it took only two words
to describe how you fuck.

There was a time
When you let me see through your mask.
But now it's fogged with indifference,
I can't even ask,




"What's wrong?"

Prayer for the Dying

Hold him in your hand
And don’t let him go
Till he can walk on his own.

I guess, then,
I'll go with them
because
I have to.
Just so you
know,
I wanted you
to come,
but it seems
you don't belong.

I've done the strangest things
to get you
to notice me,
but the strangest thing
is that
you noticed me
when I was just being myself.

I wanted to say something to you
that no one
had ever said to another before,
but I'll just kiss you,
and if you kiss me back,
then we'll be doing something
I hope will happen again.

Setting

I watched the sun set holding
in my arms a small child bleeding
from his blue-lipped mouth.
Retrieving the floating body was futile
I knew.
But my eyes saw the bloated belly,
and against my mind's will,
my heart reached out and grabbed it.
Wasting my time and risking my life
was worth it: now my soul is satisfied.
The crag I sit upon is hot
from the pounding sun,
warming first my ass,
then the rest of my body.
The moon whispers softly,
showing me the way.
Rising, I grasp the boy
by the ankles,
swing him over my head,
around, around, around,
and let go
to the wet applause of the depths.
When the clatter becomes silent,
I sit down again, smiling, finally happy.

You are too young
and beautiful
to think that way,
to close your eyes
and wish for night
instead of day.

You won't remember my kiss
because you were asleep,
dreaming
of someone else
and not me.
But that's okay-
I dream too,
though
it's just about you.

I was going to write you
A love song,
But then I remembered
You don’t love me back,
So I threw the paper away
And typed this instead.

If I went away
you could play
much better.

But that's assuming
you even care
one way or the other.

There was a time
when I would have said,
"Go away,
don't ever ever come back."

Now's the time
when I say,
"Don't leave,
don't ever ever leave."

When you came
on my chest,
I laughed.

When you came
on the floor,
I wiped
it up.

What a waste
of time.

The yearning that rips my gut
Might be the same
As the cold
That fills your heart.

I'd tell you
I love you
if I knew
you
wouldn't hate me for it.

Every word you say to me
Takes a little of my soul.
The air each floats upon
Is nothing but freezing cold
When I think of the embrace
We’ll never share,
Or your face,
Which I’ll never hold.

He who wants to be destroyed
Shall have his way.
Winter's my only season,
I’ll take it with me to the grave.

The wound heals
just to be
ripped apart.
A glowing light
at the end
of your life:
it ain't so bright.